I hope my followers don’t mind me sharing this day with you. 39 years ago today, my eldest child was born and as some of you know, she was murdered 8 years ago. I want to share a little slide show I made as I worked to heal myself of the sorrow and my anger. It was about the time I started my blog, trying to cleanse my heart of the toxic emotions that had chased me like demons running through hell. This time, I turned to face them and cast them out of my heart and mind, freeing myself of the bondage that had tied my soul, pulling me into the abyss.
I can only say that I am surrendering to life ever deeper. I find joy in the memory of my girl and am glad we shared some time together. We lived in the High Sierra when she was born. Isolated from the city and high in the rarefied air of the mountains. I remember the morning she was born..around 3:00 am. Brahmamuhurtha, the time of Brahma. The season’s first snow dusted the high ridges and glistened in the moonlight. I lay besides the Owens river, lulled by the sound of the current and marveled that I was a father and that my life was forever changed. A little girl counted on me and on that night, I began to grow up.
I so cherish the memories of her when she was little. She would come sit in my lap as I started the fire that warmed our home and began our day. Quiet little thing, sitting in her daddy’s lap. We didn’t have to speak. We loved each other and that’s all I want to remember.